Rant.

This, is a rant. Deal with it.

   So Ugh. Life is such a vindictive bitch. I see humans every day yet rarely humanity. People almost never mean what they say and yet they never shut the fuck up. Humanity can be beautiful but sometimes I swear  our existence is a huge mistake. War. Genocide. Homicide. Suicide. Sexism. Racism. Prejudice. And religious hate. And that's not even the worst of it all. I understand that conflict is necessary for life but why must it be so constant and dominating? Why is there no end? I see people hurt themselves or others almost every day and it makes me sick! I'm fourteen and have so little faith in humanity. Co-Existence of humans and all other life on earth? Try immense and unavoidable  mutual destruction of life. I feel like humanity could be just like hell.
   Even when it's small problems like idiots not shutting their god damned mouthes or littering. Hell even bad driving can tick me off sometimes. I see all these things and think: I should not be angered by such trivial matters. But I am! Why? Because I'm human and have emotions. I hate emotions sometimes. Love is waiting sadness 98% of the time. Anger? That's a secondary emotion, it's only caused by two other emotions or feelings like neglect and embarrassment. Anger makes people do stupid things that they often regret. I'd never commit suicide or cut myself or even try to hurt anyone if I could help it, not even myself. But sometimes the thought of pain, of death is just so GOD DAMN ENTICING!!!!!
    There are times when I just sit and rock myself traumatized, cry myself to sleep, listen to the silence and wish my heartbeat wasn't there to disturb it, or just break down sobbing feeling as if I shouldn't exist. I know that to some I do have meaning. And I know that I have people who will listen to me without complaint. Hell I know people who encourage me to tell them everything no matter what. But I wish that the mistake of humanity and human lives, especially mine, were never created. And after I've calmed down from my fit? I feel even worse for wanting to die, for taking one step closer to the edge of my sanity, for getting one second closer to brutally killing myself or others at all. I'll hate myself further for laughing at all the suffering in the world. It's a fucked up world and fucked up life. And sometimes the only comfort will be found with a knife.