Monday, June 15, 2015

Rant.

This, is a rant. Deal with it.

   So Ugh. Life is such a vindictive bitch. I see humans every day yet rarely humanity. People almost never mean what they say and yet they never shut the fuck up. Humanity can be beautiful but sometimes I swear  our existence is a huge mistake. War. Genocide. Homicide. Suicide. Sexism. Racism. Prejudice. And religious hate. And that's not even the worst of it all. I understand that conflict is necessary for life but why must it be so constant and dominating? Why is there no end? I see people hurt themselves or others almost every day and it makes me sick! I'm fourteen and have so little faith in humanity. Co-Existence of humans and all other life on earth? Try immense and unavoidable  mutual destruction of life. I feel like humanity could be just like hell.
   Even when it's small problems like idiots not shutting their god damned mouthes or littering. Hell even bad driving can tick me off sometimes. I see all these things and think: I should not be angered by such trivial matters. But I am! Why? Because I'm human and have emotions. I hate emotions sometimes. Love is waiting sadness 98% of the time. Anger? That's a secondary emotion, it's only caused by two other emotions or feelings like neglect and embarrassment. Anger makes people do stupid things that they often regret. I'd never commit suicide or cut myself or even try to hurt anyone if I could help it, not even myself. But sometimes the thought of pain, of death is just so GOD DAMN ENTICING!!!!!
    There are times when I just sit and rock myself traumatized, cry myself to sleep, listen to the silence and wish my heartbeat wasn't there to disturb it, or just break down sobbing feeling as if I shouldn't exist. I know that to some I do have meaning. And I know that I have people who will listen to me without complaint. Hell I know people who encourage me to tell them everything no matter what. But I wish that the mistake of humanity and human lives, especially mine, were never created. And after I've calmed down from my fit? I feel even worse for wanting to die, for taking one step closer to the edge of my sanity, for getting one second closer to brutally killing myself or others at all. I'll hate myself further for laughing at all the suffering in the world. It's a fucked up world and fucked up life. And sometimes the only comfort will be found with a knife.











Saturday, April 18, 2015

Ideas Ideas.

So my friend and I were talking about Five Nights at Freddy's (FNAF) and we came up with a game. You need a room with two doors and you'd assign a nightgaurd and animatronics. Nightgaurd stays in the room with a flashlight and can close the doors while the anamatronics try to sneak in. You have to set up your own time needed to 'survive the night shift'
So I'm in Gifted and Talented for reading at school and I mentioned that I was writing more on Wattpad a bit. I ended up explaining what it was and now my G.T. teacher wants me to bring it in and show her. I love my writing but I'm scared to show her... But I'm stuck doing it anyway so as Christenarium says quite often "Balls to it" hopefully I wont be too embarassed.

I have a lot of random ideas. I recently finished a story too. So yay. Ideas ideas. 


Advice I felt like posting.

So... here's a bit of... Advice? Well, whatever: It is never selfish to put your morals before others pleasure. If they were true friends they wouldn't make you choose between them.


Philosophy of mine: What is tommorow if all that is left of today are the tears of yesterday?
Moral of philosophy: Don't live in the past, if you do you'll be stuck in a never ending cycle of pain and regret. Solve problems as they arise and live life like you want to. Don't dwell on regret.

I should stick to America. Or just out of relationships.

I'm really not good with other countries. It never seems to work out when I'm involved in any way. Or maybe that's just relationships in general. It normaly goes great if I´m just giving advice but if I'm personally involved it's doomed.

A friend of mine, S, (she'd be ticked if I used her real name) had an online boyfriend and we 3 had a skype chat. Later that night S thinks her boyfriend likes me more. Ugh. Later on they broke up. He was from Canada. I have nothing against Canada, it just didn't work.

At one point I had S and a guy who liked her get together and that only ended in hatred of the guy and bad memories. He was from our town.

Another internet boyfriend experience. I had a canadian online boyfriend. It went well for a while before he started asking for nudes and I told him to fuck off. Yeah. The truth was unveiled.

This next one is yet another internet boyfriend expierience, this one is more understandable. He is from Scottland. I asked him out and it went well but he figured it would be best to break up. We did, we're still friends. Although later he admits he thought he loved me when in reality he still has feelings for someone he lost years ago. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad. That's really sweet in fact. I just hope he doesn't get hurt.
I choose not to go further on that or into other relationships of mine.
I give advice and help like a boss, if I dont get involved. It's the therapist in me, I swear.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Friends are Awesome

      Maybe it's just me but I have a variety of 'friends' and I have a love/hate relationship with all of them. I have one friend that is awesome but we always greet each other with insults. It's funny when others think we hate each other.
      At the moment I'm 'working' with three of my friends. All guys and all smart (some more than others) and all irritating. Will, I always hit and yell at. Wyatt, I also yell at but I don't hit him, he's creative and fun but UGH! he has a personality that just makes me want yell at him because I know he's smart but he doesn't shut up. 
     
Ethan is my favourite one here. He's irritating because he's too awesome for my liking. He's the smartest and most outspoken and creative. I don't mind his company. He doesn't act like an idiot all the time like the others (Shut up Ethan! [he's reading as I'm writing] Sorry I'm nice to you) and when he does it's an adorable idiocy. (No, I don't have a crush on him, I'm just blunt) Sooo. . . YAY! Ethan is the most awesome friend EVER! I'm going to be honest (and regret this later) and say he's attractive (a lot more than the others) and I friggin love his sense of humor. Ethan is the bestest!

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

The World Is Not as it Seems. Life is a Computer Simulation.


Ever wonder what causes déjà vu? Or how about magic? And let’s not forget ghosts and monsters and other creatures. Even some types of immensely researched sciences like alchemy seem to make no real sense at times! So what’s the reason, how can this be?! Simple, our world is a computer simulation sometimes referred to as ‘The Lattice’ and most of the time we don’t even realize it at all.  Our world is little more than a game of Sims. Don’t believe me? I can tell you why you’re wrong.

            Let me start small so I can try to keep this understandable. Wouldn’t we notice something ‘off’ about the world? Glitches in the system? They can’t have a perfect system, right? Well, we do see glitches. There are many unexplained phenomena in the world that we have no scientific reasons for their existance, examples are ghosts, monsters, magic, and even déjà vu.

 Déjà vu is french for "I've seen this all before" and it refers to when a situation seems like it's happened before. Déjà vu is when something happens and you then know or think something you’re not supposed too and who/whatever controls the simulation alters and/or deletes thoughts and memories so you don’t remember anything. To fill in the missing framework of your mind they reuse frames of memory, like similar pages in a flipbook to fill in space for the story.

            Monsters, creatures, and ghosts are glitches galore. These odd things aren’t supposed to exist to us. They’re simply rips in the programming that fabricate our universe, false or incorrect programing, and the glitches that no one realized or cared to fix. Whether these ‘glitches’ exist outside of the lattice is something we cannot know, just as we do not know who created and is running the lattice.

            12.21.2012 was supposed to be the end of the world right? There are many theories about the apocalypse. Jeane Dixon believes 2020 is the year Armageddon will take place and Jesus will return to defeat the unholy Trinity of the Antichrist, Satan and the False prophet of between 2020 and 2037. One explanation for apocalypse theories are that they are the result of ‘people’ seeing and retaining erased data from previous and failed lattices and/or simulations.

            Now many people see life in black and white; in this case, 1’s and 0’s, so let’s look at this in a tad more mathematical perspective. If everything in existence can be proven by math and science, why is it so illogical that our own life is really just a series of 1’s and 0’s in a world of 1’s and 0’s creating a false universe? If everything is mathematically proven our existence should be somehow mathematical as well right?


          Screen resolution is the number of pixels used. The image on your computer screen is built up from thousands or millions of pixels. The screen creates the image you see by changing the colours of these pixels. Nothing can be displayed as smaller than a single pixel. Reality is just a simulation or world with a very high screen resolution.
 The planet we live on is the perfect distance from the sun to provide life, has an atmosphere protecting us from harmful radiation and UV rays and allowing us to breathe oxygen that we need to survive, has water and fertile soil used to grow food, and other life forms we can eat. Now our planet was allegedly created because of an explosion in space and debris being pulled into an orbit and cooling to eventually support life. This happened in an allegedly endless amount of space and it just so happened in the perfect way to create humanity. Scientifically speaking there is a less than miniscule chance of that legitimately happening.

        Okay, even if all of that actually did happen in reality and even if I am right and we live in a simulation: What’s the purpose? It’s a fair question and you deserve an answer. There are many reasons for the Lattice to exist. We could be a game for someone who is extremely bored as sad as that thought may be. We could be a test subject, used to test diseases, medicines, war strategies, apocalyptic situations, and even our reactions other life forms and beings. The latter is more logical as it would save resources, money, and even lives to test it on a simulation rather than living beings. Maybe we just exist as a simulation to teach the beings how humanity evolved and got to be as it is outside the Lattice or how they would fare if humanity outside the Lattice does not yet exist.

While this idea seems incomprehensible, a team of physicists at the University of Washington has come up with a potential test to see if the idea makes sense. First of all the idea comes from a 2003 paper published in Philosophical Quarterly by Nick Bostrom, a philosophy professor at the University of Oxford. He believed that at least one of the following is true:
  • The human species is likely to go extinct before reaching a “posthuman” stage.
  • Any posthuman civilization is very unlikely to run a significant number of simulations of its evolutionary history.
  • We are almost certainly living in a computer simulation.
He also held that “the belief that there is a significant chance that we will one day become post-humans who run ancestor simulations is false, unless we are currently living in a simulation.”

With current limits on computerization it will be decades before before researchers will be able to run even primitive simulations of the universe. University of Washington has suggested tests that can be performed now, or in the near future, that are sensitive to constraints imposed on future simulations by limited resources.

Martin Savage, a UW physics professor says “Currently, supercomputers using a technique called lattice quantum chromodynamics and starting from the fundamental physical laws that govern the universe can simulate only a very small portion of the universe, on the scale of one 100-trillionth of a meter, a little larger than the nucleus of an atom”

Eventually computers will be able to create a simulation on the scale of a human being but it will take many generations before we can simulate a large enough part of the universe to understand the prevention of physical processes that would hint at a simulated world.

The supercomputers performing lattice quantum chromodynamics calculations essentially divide space-time into a four-dimensional grid. This allows researchers to examine what is called the strong force, one of the four fundamental forces of nature and the one that binds subatomic particles together into neutrons and protons at the core of atoms.

“If you make the simulations big enough, something like our universe should emerge, Then it would be a matter of looking for a “signature” in our universe that has an analog in the current small-scale simulations.” Savage says.

Savage and colleagues Silas Beane of the University of New Hampshire and Zohreh Davoudi, a UW physics graduate student, suggest that the signature could show up as a limitation in the energy of cosmic rays. They say that the highest-energy cosmic rays would not travel along the edges of the lattice in the model but would travel diagonally, and they would not interact equally in all directions as they otherwise would be expected to.
   There are many things in this world we cannot yet research or prove with mathematics and science, our own existence included. We live in a computer simulation. For what reason and for whom I do not know, and perhaps I never will. Or maybe I already did know and the creator just made me forget about it. Hmmm. . . . Déjà vu.

(Pictures found on Google images and information from http://www.washington.edu/news/2012/12/10/do-we-live-in-a-computer-simulation-uw-researchers-say-idea-can-be-tested/)